Run My Life

This is does not only apply on my family situation but also in an organizational setting. I had an employee working contract in an organization which I supposedly not sign on it since I was a missionary then. Within the 5 months of serving that organization, I felt that I was not a missionary since I felt the burden of working rather than serving. There was a mismanagement, mistreatment, over-used and abused with the missionaries and there was favoritism involve. There were instance that a close friend of mine got a one-on-one meeting with the director and the director said that “..if you think that friend that you have right now is the true friend that you have..why not be-friend with **s*****..” then we realize that the director was not in favor of me and has a favoritism. This is just one of the many uncomfortable situations and unpleasant memories I had. Of course, I was the next on line to have this meeting with the director and the head teacher, with the head teacher because I think the director was scared of talking to me alone, that’s how strong my personality is. With that conversation, it just made more me sad and mad with them and the situation where I was.

This what had happened…

The director said that me and my partner should not render service on that coming Sabbath for we need to be united and be as one in serving other churches on scheduled Sabbath, to do what? To do a promotion on Sabbath day, to promote the school. They said I cannot argue with that because it was written on the contract that we need to do promotion even on Sabbaths, or other activities that will be handle by the school. I just listened to them as they continue saying about the service that we will be giving to a specific church is just minor, it is just a children sermonette. I was socked coming from a pastor’s wife and a school director that a children sermonette is just a minor thing to do as a service on Sabbath. So I said if I cannot change their decision I rather not argue. But she said to speak up, and I replied I will not. Surprisingly, she insisted. So I said, if you are saying about unity, why were you not there last Sabbath when we did our promotion? Why did you allowed **s***** to be excused for not joining with us last Sabbath? (thinking that there were only 7 of us out around 12 personnel.. so where were the other 5 including herself?) This was my way of fighting my rights on their crooked management and treatment. Obviously she was disappointed of questioning her. Believe me you don’t wanna hear the unreasonable answers. The director has a total of 3 excuse for not joining that coming Sabbath again and the head teacher provided me 2 excuse for not joining as well. And I gave my reasons for rendering that service on that Sabbath for a specific church and guess what…? Combine their excuses and I have those excuses as well. But of course, we are still not allowed and they won. Well in short, her decision was already fix and we cancelled our appointment on giving a children sermonette. 

Adding all those stresses and being spiritually dead instead of being spiritually growing, my partner and I decided to resign and just go home. It was a flight-mode for us. It was not an easy decision but we were not getting healthy physically, mentally, emotionally and foremost spiritually. Thus, the flight-decision was made and pursued.

Fortunately, for that very bad memory and the most unpleasant situation we had, God showed us how to trust on Him and on Jesus. God proved that there is no impossible with Him, that He will provide for us, that in every uncomfortable, unpleasant and difficult situation you will learn to trust on Jesus and on God. Even with that unforgettable bad memory that I had, my faith was increased and is increasing with God. “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6) and that God will provide just like on Genesis 22:8.

With prayer and trust with God and Jesus, our Savior and Redeemer, all will be well and pray that God will bless you according to His will.

I am not really into physical fighting but I tend to be very vocal in fighting for  I think is right which is the exact opposite of me when I was younger. I remember what my former supervisor told me, that I need to be assertive and not being aggressive. And I did, I practice that, however, I think I really didn’t know the difference of those two words and I ended up being judged to have this strong personality and being aggressive. Well to be honest I don’t know, I hope was just being assertive and not aggressive. 

But have you had an experience of helping others thinking that you were giving an advice and is hurt and irritated at the same time with the words you’ve over-heard with your quarreling parents? I did and it happens almost everyday. Most of the time I shut down and put myself into flight-mode. But there were times that I wanted to help and advice them to stop which unfortunately ended up on nagging on me and blaming me. Thus, I resulting me to flight by locking myself in my previous room which is my computer room as of the moment. This move is what I call fight and flight.